


Lessons in Love

by serafine



Series: Holding Each Other Up [4]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Ben Solo Deserved Better, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, F/M, Force Ghost Anakin Skywalker, Movie: Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Not Canon Compliant, POV Anakin Skywalker, POV Ben Solo, Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Redeemed Ben Solo, Relationship Advice, Skywalker Family Feels, Star Wars References, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Fix-It, Suicidal Thoughts, The Force Ships It, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-13
Updated: 2020-01-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:28:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22224121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/serafine/pseuds/serafine
Summary: Ben receives advice from an unexpected source.
Relationships: Rey & Ben Solo, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Series: Holding Each Other Up [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1596187
Comments: 7
Kudos: 51
Collections: TROS Reylo Fix-it Fics, The Rise of Skywalker: Fix-It Fic Edition





	Lessons in Love

Rey’s naked skin was so warm under his hands. The sound of her moans was intoxicating. The bed creaked as Ben rose to his knees, easing his way down her body...

He rolled over onto a rock and awoke abruptly from the vivid dream. Ben sat upright and put the palms of his hands over his eyes, trying to chase away the images and the _noises_ she had been making. Their connection last night had been most welcome, but was also extremely distracting. He had work to do, he knew it. Work on his spirit, his mind, and his body. Over the years he had made so many wrong choices, made so many people suffer. He had grown so accustomed to being in charge, having people fetch for him, to having anything he wanted at a moment’s notice. And then Rey appeared, and tipped his entire world on its side.

A run. Yes, surely that would help. Probably not, but he could at least pretend. His leg felt stronger every day. With the aid of the Force, he had mostly mended the break in the bone on the way here from Exegol. He flexed his foot and stretched out the calf, rubbing the night’s stiffness from the muscles. Grabbing his saber and his boots, he quickly finished dressing for the day. He also slung Rey’s staff across his back. A reminder of her to drive him forward.

Naboo was truly a beautiful planet. Slightly humid, but never overwhelming. He had seen two moons in the night sky. There was no pollution to be seen. He hadn’t even encountered any predators in the wilderness. His quarters with the First Order were always incredibly sterile. This place was so full of life. 

As he returned from his morning run, Ben sensed a presence just beyond his camp. He slowed his pace to catch his breath. Reaching forward with the Force, he sensed no danger, nothing dark. Resisting the urge to draw his saber, he walked forward.

When he arrived at his camp, he saw no one. “Hello? Who is here?” His voice sounded strange to his own ears, and his throat scratchy from days of silence.

The ghost of Anakin Skywalker shimmered into view. “Ben. We need to talk. Is now a good time?”

“Hello, Grandfather.” He released some of the tension across his shoulders. This was still intimidating, but in a completely different way.

“Were you expecting someone else?” Anakin smirked slightly.

“Luke, or perhaps Mother. I am honestly surprised one of them hasn’t appeared yet.”

“Hmm. It may be awhile. They are trying to give you time. They don’t want to push.”

Ben set Rey’s staff down, picked up his water bottle and took a long drink. “Awfully nice of them - so why are you here?” Ben was terribly nervous - he had spent long years trying to live up to his idea of Vader, but never gave a thought to the Jedi he must have once been.

“First of all, because I love this planet. Truly." Anakin looked around and smiled. "It is where your grandmother and I fell in love. I’m the one who urged you to come here, Ben, because I thought it might give you a safe place to recover. And I’m also here because I can speak on a subject that neither Luke nor Leia knows anything about. Killing the love of your life.”

“What?!”

“Just listen, for once. I don’t want to tell this story twice. In truth, I really don’t want to tell it all. But you need to hear this - and then you can ask any question you want.” Ben pressed his lips together and nodded, very curious to hear what Anakin had to say.

“If you are going to pursue an actual relationship with Rey, let me tell you what I think I did wrong. I am not sure if I did anything right.

“Your grandmother Padmé and I hid our relationship, and then our marriage, from almost everyone. Looking back at it now, I can’t believe anyone bought it. I guess they didn’t want to see the truth - it’s the only explanation I can come up with, honestly. Attachments of any kind were expressly forbidden by the Jedi Council.”

“We were young. She was brave and strong, nothing ever seemed to intimidate her. She was intensely passionate about saving the Republic, and I was passionate about her. Sound familiar?”

Ben crossed to a stump and sat down, worry clearly creasing his features.

“I wanted to protect Padmé, to possess her. The longer we were married, the more controlling I became. The more irrational.”

Anakin paused and paced a little. “But the years bring clarity. I believe now that Palpatine was controlling me. Implanting this fear of Padmé dying in childbirth. I became completely obsessed with the idea of saving her no matter the cost, and instead turned the vision of her death into a reality. She followed me to Mustafar, and I…. I believed she had brought Obi-Wan to kill me, so I attacked her. I had already committed horrific atrocities by that point. Using the saber you have on your belt, no less.”

A myriad of emotions rolled through Ben. He knew some of his family legacy, but this - this was new information. And hearing it all now, from the man himself, being confronted with the reality of Vader’s actions in his present mindset... this was particularly difficult to hear. Ben could only nod, unsure of what Anakin was looking for as a response.

“It was only Obi-Wan who stopped me from killing her right there. I remember being so _angry._ So blinded by this delusion that she had brought him there with the intention of killing me. I even entertained the thought that they were lovers. So Obi-Wan and I fought. He won - leaving me barely alive. It was only with Palpatine’s intervention, aided by the Dark Side, that I survived at all. Padmé died anyway, just as I had foreseen. I was unable to save her.”

“I then spent 23 years as a scourge on the face of the galaxy. Fueling myself with rage, self-loathing, and regret. Once Luke was grown, he joined the Rebellion. Watched me cut Obi-Wan down. And then he just kept showing up. The Force put him in my path time and time again. And finally, on the Death Star, Luke was going to die at Palpatine’s hands unless I interfered. For all the good it did. I tried to kill Palpatine, I swear to you. I threw him down into the reactor of the damn thing. He just didn’t stay dead.”

Ben asked, “Is Palpatine gone this time, truly gone?”

“I don’t know. I don’t sense him. But that could mean nothing. And the Sith are certainly not gone for good - they never are.”

‘‘Palpatine started off as a Senator from Naboo, you know. Fooled the entire Jedi Council. No one sensed the darkness growing within him. He was a master manipulator.”

“Do you think I need to stay away from Rey? For her own safety?”

“I saw the two of you together on Exegol - I see the connection you share. I’m not sure you can stay away from her. Not for long, anyway.”

Anakin’s pacing slowed. “And you have an advantage that neither I nor your mother enjoyed in our marriages. Rey is just as strong in the Force as you are. I tried to contact you over the years. So did your mother. So did Luke, at least at first. None of us could reach you. But the Force had other plans.”

“The Bond.”

Anakin nodded. “Yes. I believe that is why Rey was able to cut through Palpatine’s hold on you in a way we couldn’t. Your mother, as her Master, was able to utilize that opening to speak to you on the Endor moon. I am so glad you finally broke free and turned your back on the Dark Side.”

“Rey grounds me in a way I have never known. Even when the world dissolved into red, even when I was raging, she was this point of calm and stillness, just on the edge of my awareness. I think that is why I fought so hard against her. Against turning back to the light. I’ve always struggled with quiet. But rage is easy.”

“I remember that part very well,” Anakin admitted. “I took my rage out on everything and everyone.”

Ben nodded. “I never took it out on her. Not really. Not as I had been bid to do by the First Order. I bellowed, I bluffed. And Rey just let it wash over her, unconcerned. After we connected, she was never afraid of me. Our link just kept getting stronger and stronger. During those moments, I knew her thoughts, and she knew mine.” 

“Force dyads are rare - extremely rare. Force users now are few and far between. Rey has the ancient texts. There may be some information in there to guide both of you.”

“You’ve got to talk to Rey. You two have been so busy reacting to each other, not to mention everything else, that you need to have some simple conversations about what you both want. Attachments were not always forbidden by the Jedi Order. Remember that love comes from the light. And passion is a part of love.” Ben felt his ears redden.

“I do love her,” Ben said, looking up at Anakin. “I would have died for her. Done anything to protect her.”

“I realize you were willing to die for her. You went charging into a Sith stronghold with nothing but a blaster. Did you have a plan at all?” Anakin briefly thought to himself, _Obi-Wan and Ahsoka must be laughing right now…_ And then he thought about it a little more - Ben wasn’t stupid. Far from it.

Anakin paused, horrified. “You were hoping to get yourself killed, weren’t you? You’d thrown away your saber. You had no backup, no plan, just a blaster. You _wanted_ to die for her.”

Ben hung his head slightly, elbows on his knees. “What do you want me to say? That you’re right? How can I possibly I prove to her - much less to anyone else - that I am genuinely a changed man? You killed Palpatine and passed on. I had hoped to do something similar. And I wanted to save Rey from that fate. She deserves a chance at life.”

“And so do you! If you were so ready to die for her, you must also be willing to live for her. To do the hard thing - which is face the Resistance. You can’t hide here forever.”

Ben looked very lost, sitting here amongst the trees. A far cry from the Kylo Ren of even ten days ago. Anakin struggled to find words of comfort - what would we have hoped to hear from Obi-Wan all those years ago when he'd done something rash?

He took a knee beside Ben and placed a hand on his shoulder. “Running into Exegol, with no lightsaber, no help... it was a terribly brave and foolish thing to do. It is something I would have done in my youth. And it is most certainly something your father would have done for someone he loved. It was not a mistake. I don’t see how you could have done anything differently.”

Anakin could feel Ben fighting with his emotions. How long had it been since someone praised his actions? 

“Thank you.” Ben looked up at Anakin, eyes deep and haunted. He had hid in the dark for so long.

Anakin stood up and began to pace again. _Let’s change the subject..._ “Also, at some point you may want to revisit the Endor Moon. You could always retrieve that red lightsaber - kyber crystals are very hard to come by, and that one can be repaired.” 

Ben chuckled, wiping his face. “Wow, that sounds like great fun.”

“Honestly, grandson, I think you can move forward. Luke tried to go into an endless exile. It didn’t work for him. You owe it to the girl to at least try.”

Ben got to his feet, finally looking Anakin in the eye. “I will. Thank you for trying to help.” He was surprised when he realized that he was a hair taller than his grandfather. Darth Vader had always seemed like such an impossibly imposing figure in his mind’s eye.

“Tread carefully. You two were the subject of some rather heated discussions after Palpatine’s defeat on Exegol. Most of the Jedi Masters from the modern era used my remarkably destructive relationship as the reason they were right all along and romantic attachments should be forbidden. But, Luke and Leia, as well as Obi-Wan and myself spoke in your favor.” Ben looked surprised at hearing that news.

“There’s not any way they could….”

“Oh, there is not a damn thing they can do about whatever decision you and Rey make, except talk it to death. Most of them were on the Jedi Council at one point or another in their lives. Debate is second nature to them.”

”Don’t stay here too long. You’ll lose your nerve. Or she will show up here, and drag you off Naboo whether you like it or not.” Ben smiled at that.

“She would indeed.”

“This will not be easy - but you have to try.” 

Ben nodded. “Okay. I will, I promise. I don’t think anyone can appreciate where I am right now better than you.”

“I did travel a similar path, but neither of us is the first Jedi to turn their backs on the Light and then try to find it again. Take heart - I believe it can be done. Even if I died in the attempt.”

"I was reckless in my youth, wild and headstrong. Obi-Wan fought to teach me patience above all else. Plan your next move carefully. I believe the Resistance will see reason, if given the right incentive."

Anakin smiled. “I will leave you to your meditations. I wish things had gone differently for you. But you have another chance. Don’t blow it.”

Ben nodded, as Anakin faded from view.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

the end

thanks for reading

serafine

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something."

\- Wesley in The Princess Bride

**Author's Note:**

> I am going to post this. I could edit this thing for days and days, but I have other things still to write.  
> Comments are most welcome. 
> 
> I am VERY new to this particular ship, though a very long time SW fan (which is why I lost my frigging mind at Han's death in TFA). I have loathed Kylo for two movies. Thought he was completely toxic. I watch TRoS and it absolutely blew me away.
> 
> Started: 1/9/20  
> Finished: 1/13/20


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